Tips on supporting a friend in an unhealthy relationship

Dec 17

With all the hype from the new motion picture movie, “It End With Us” it brings unhealthy relationships back into people’s minds. For those who have experienced this firsthand whether to themselves or a loved one, it has certainly never left their mind. I thought with this topic being discussed due to people’s reactions to Blake Lively and the movie crew it would be a good time to talk about how to help someone you know is in an unhealthy relationship. Supporting a friend in an unhealthy relationship can be challenging, but your concern and care can make a significant difference. Here are some practical tips to help you navigate this delicate situation:

Listen Without Judgment: Create a safe space where your friend feels comfortable sharing their feelings. Listen openly and without judgment, allowing them to express their thoughts and emotions. Validate their feelings, even if you don’t fully understand or agree.
Educate Yourself: Learn about the signs of unhealthy relationships, including emotional manipulation, control, and abuse. This knowledge can help you better understand your friend’s situation and provide informed support.
Express Your Concerns: Gently share your concerns about their relationship. Use “I” statements to express how you feel without blaming or criticizing. For example, say “I feel worried about you when I see how he/she treats you” rather than “You should leave him/her.”
Be Patient: Changing one’s perspective on a relationship can take time. Be patient and recognize that your friend may not be ready to hear or act on your concerns. Avoid pressuring them to make decisions before they are ready.
Encourage Self-Reflection: Ask open-ended questions that encourage your friend to reflect on their relationship. Questions like “How do you feel when you’re with them?” or “What do you want for yourself in a relationship?” can prompt deeper thinking.
Offer Resources: Provide information about support services, such as counseling, hotlines, or support groups. You can offer to help them find resources or even accompany them if they decide to seek professional help.
Plan Safe Outings: Spend time together doing activities that promote well-being and self-esteem. This could include engaging in hobbies, physical activities, or simply having a fun day out together. Positive experiences can help your friend feel empowered.
Respect Their Autonomy: Ultimately, it’s your friend’s decision to stay in or leave the relationship. While you can provide support and guidance, be careful not to try to control their choices, as this can lead to resistance and distance.
Check In Regularly: Maintain regular contact with your friend, especially if they are feeling isolated. Let them know you care and are there for them no matter what. Consistent support can help them feel less alone.
Be Prepared for Resistance: Understand that your friend may defend their partner or dismiss your concerns. This is common but doesn’t mean your support is not valuable. Keep the lines of communication open, so they know they can come to you when they are ready.
Encourage Professional Help: If the situation is severe or if your friend is in danger, gently suggest seeking help from professionals like therapists or counselors who specialize in relationship issues or abuse.
Take Care of Yourself: Supporting a friend in an unhealthy relationship can be emotionally draining. Make sure to prioritize your own well-being, seek support for yourself if needed, and set boundaries to maintain your mental health.

These are just a few tips on supporting a friend in an unhealthy relationship. Your role as a supportive friend can have a profound impact on their well-being and decision-making process. Approach the situation with compassion and understanding, and let your friend know they’re not alone. You cannot force them to see things your way, and your heart might break over watching them hurt, but you have to remember this is their life and you cannot control them.