Things No One Warned You About Before Marriage(But You Learn Very Quickly)

“Did You Touch My Stuff?” Forever.

Marriage is beautiful. Magical. Sacred.
And also a 24/7 improv comedy where neither of you knows the script, but somehow you’re both annoyed anyway.

When you first get married, you think love will look like:

• Deep conversations

• Romantic dinners

• Always being on the same page

What it actually looks like is:

• Whisper-fighting at 11:47 PM

• Arguing about where the scissors went

• One of you eating the other’s snack and claiming you “thought it was communal”

Spoiler: it was not.

Situation #1: The Thermostat Wars

Marriage is learning that you married someone who feels temperatures incorrectly.

You’re freezing.
They’re “fine.”
You add a blanket.
They open a window.
You turn up the heat.
They dramatically sigh like you’ve personally attacked their ancestors.

At this point, the thermostat isn’t even about temperature — it’s about power.

Situation #2: “I Was Just Resting My Eyes”

There is no lie told more confidently in marriage than:

“I wasn’t sleeping.”

Yes you were.
You were snoring.
Your mouth was open.
You startled awake when I spoke.

But okay.
Sure.
You were meditating.

Situation #3: The Selective Hearing Phenomenon

You can say:

“We’re out of toilet paper.”

Nothing.

You can say:

“Did you move my planner?”

Silence.

But whisper:

“I think I might order takeout.”

Suddenly they’re alert, upright, and deeply invested in the conversation.

Science will never explain this.

Situation #4: The Way They Load the Dishwasher

At some point in marriage, you realize:

• They load the dishwasher wrong

• They will always load it wrong

• You must decide if this is the hill you die on

Plates stacked like Jenga.
Bowls blocking the spray arm.
Spoons spooning.

You say nothing.
But you think everything.

Situation #5: “We Don’t Need a List”

Every married woman has heard this sentence right before chaos unfolds.

You make lists.
They “keep it in their head.”
You remember birthdays, school spirit days, appointments, groceries, and the fact that the dog needs flea meds.

They forget… one thing.

And by one thing, I mean everything except their phone charger.

Situation #6: The Mysterious Disappearing Items

Marriage is losing things you personally placed somewhere safe.

You know where you put it.
You can see it in your mind.
You go back — it’s gone.

You ask:

“Did you move this?”

They say:

“No.”

You find it later in a place that defies logic, time, and basic physics.

You say nothing.
But you remember.

Situation #7: Loving Them Anyway

Here’s the thing — as ridiculous as marriage is, as laughable and chaotic and “are we okay or just tired?” as it can feel…

It’s also:

• Inside jokes no one else understands

• Someone who knows your worst moods and stays anyway

• A partner in the messiest, loudest, most unglamorous parts of life

Marriage isn’t perfection.
It’s choosing each other on the days you’re both slightly annoying.

Sometimes very annoying.

But still choosing.

Final Thought

If your marriage feels like a sitcom some days — congratulations.
That means you’re doing it right.

Now excuse me while I go look for the scissors.
Again.

Xo, Janthina