The Exhausted Soccer Mom Chronicles: Surviving the Weekend Warrior Wars
Ah, being a soccer mom. It’s a title I wear with pride, but let’s be honest—some days, it feels more like a full-contact sport. If you’re a fellow soccer parent, you know exactly what I mean. You wake up on Saturday mornings with visions of fresh coffee and a leisurely breakfast, only to find yourself in a whirlwind of chaos that would give hurricanes a run for their money. Let me share some of my most hilarious (and exhausting) experiences as an “Exhausted Soccer Mom.”
### 5 AM: The Race Against Time
As the sun rises, oh wait, dang it is still pitch black outside, I think I can sneak in a few extra minutes of sleep, but the soccer alarm goes off—also known as my child jumping on my bed declaring, “We’re late!” I spring out of bed like a startled cat and immediately enter a frantic game of “Find the Missing Cleats.”
I search high and low, through the labyrinth of laundry and lost toys, only to discover that the cleats were perched perfectly on the kitchen table where I left them to dry. Who knew I had a soccer player and a professional “hiding stuff” expert living under my roof?
### 5:45 AM: Breakfast Showdown
Breakfast is another battlefield. I attempt to craft a nutritious meal, but instead find myself negotiating the last piece of toast like it’s the final slice of pizza at a kid’s party. “If you eat your eggs, you can have the toast!” I declare. Cue the eye rolls.
“Mooooom, toast is not a meal! It’s just … toast!” my kid replies, as if I’ve served him a plate of cardboard. Unsurprisingly, we settle for McDonald’s pancake breakfast, don’t judge. Just a typical Saturday morning.
### 6 AM: The Soccer Bag Black Hole
As we frantically gather our gear, I notice something alarming—the soccer bag from last week is empty! Where are the shin guards, socks, and the ball? I dive into the depths of the bag only to find a collection of mysterious objects, including one half-eaten granola bar, a crumpled-up permission slip dated from two months ago, and a pet rock named “Rocky” that my child swore would “score some goals.” Clearly, Rocky was just here for the snacks.
### 7 AM: Sideline Shenanigans
With the team finally dressed and ready, we arrive at the field, and my next challenge begins—finding a spot on the sideline. In a hilarious twist of fate, I spot my arch-nemesis—Karen, the competitive soccer mom who brings a full buffet to every game. I stand next to her with my overpriced bottled water while she showcases her artisanal snacks. I swear she even has gluten-free kale chips and a coffee maker stashed in her minivan.
“Hey, want some of my quinoa muffins?” she chirps.
“Sure, right after I finish my three-day-old granola bar,” I retort with a laugh. And just like that, I’m outnumbered.
### 9 AM: The Post-Game Drama
As the game wraps up (spoiler alert: we WON), it’s time for the post-game debriefing at the snack table. The kids circle like vultures over the leftover cookies, and I overhear one child complaining about how the other team had “too many good players.”
As the kiddos yell about their snack bags and coach is yelling at them to relax, because we have a game in 45 minutes all of a sudden its quiet. These boys idea of relaxing is playing a full on game of soccer between themselves or acting as goalies for the girls’ team warming up. Oy Vey!
### 5 PM: Crashing Back to Reality
By the time we make it home, after 3 games and a million snacks later, I’m more exhausted than if I’d run the game myself. I flop onto the couch in a state of disarray. My child plops down next to me, covered in dirt and remnants of snacks. “Can we have a movie marathon?” they ask innocently.
“Only if it involves me lying here for the next three hours while you choose something ridiculous,” I reply. It’s a win-win situation!
### Parenting Wisdom from the Exhausted Soccer Mom
- **Embrace the Mess:** Life (and soccer) is messy. Don’t sweat the small stuff—like popcorn kernels under your couch or the soccer cleat smell that’s now permanently embedded in your car.
- **Snack La-La Land:** Bring your own snacks, but also learn the fine art of trading. You’ll be amazed at how quickly a half-eaten granola bar can turn into a slice of pizza!
- **Laughter is Key:** Remember to laugh at the chaos. Embrace your title as the “Exhausted Soccer Mom” and wear it like a badge of honor. Share those wild stories with fellow mamas—you’ll find camaraderie in the craziness.
So, here’s to all the exhausted soccer moms out there! We may be running on caffeine and chaos, but our kids are thriving, and that’s what truly matters. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be over here, perfecting my couch potato game for the rest of the weekend! 🍕⚽❤️
Chat soon,
Janthina
